In The Beginning....

To say we are fans of adoption is merely stating the obvious. Yet somewhere during the process we seemed to have moved up a level. I'm not sure what a stronger word would be...supporter, advocate...whatever the adjective, we believe in the cause. You can't help it when you are up to your belly button in paperwork and the reality of the need for homes for the orphans of the world fills your mind and heart.

I'm not exaggerating (which I will admit to doing almost daily a billion times) when I guess there must be millions of orphans on this planet. Sometimes we don't like to think about it. Sometimes we feel like it's another's calling. Sometimes we would like to do more, but feel we can't. Feeling overwhelmed one day with thoughts of adoption, Todd told me he felt like we couldn't make a difference. There is so much need in the world, and we are only two people. My response was that it would make a difference to that one child. I was only partly right. I'm hoping it makes a difference to Sadie, but I KNOW it's made a difference for the rest of our family already.

This is the beginning of my adoption journey. There are no pictures, just words from my heart. I share it simply because I want my children to remember it and others to know I believe in this cause and know each of us can make a difference if we try.

In the past I have said these sentences out loud:
I don't think I could ever adopt.
I could never adopt an older child.
I could never adopt a child from that was a different race.

Thank goodness I have since learned to never say never.

I love children, their purity and innocence make them so endearing to me. I feel happy when I am around them. I feel loved. I feel accepted. And before each child came into our family, there was a moment when it felt like it was the right time. Just a simple moment when I knew.

I was sitting in church one Sunday, when Sara was a few months old, listening to a speaker discussing families. As she spoke of families being together forever I knew our family would adopt a child. It was actually quite shocking to me, but it felt good just the same. An undeniable knowledge that our family would grow in a way I'd never considered. I tucked the feeling away for the time being. It was kind of like planting a seed that lays domant during the winter, but inevitabley the springtime came, and this seed began to grow. Another child and years later, the questions began. Should we adopt? Could we adopt? Why can't we adopt now? I have a talent of being persistent, which matches well with Todd's talent of being stubborn. For every question, he had an answer, but they weren't the ones I wanted.

We visited Spokane in the summer of 2008 and attended our church from when we lived there. Many people spoke and they shared experiences they'd recently had of praying for miracles. This isn't typical, not to mention a bit scary, since when you ask for a miracle it doesn't usually come easy. Their stories stemmed from a challenge to pray for 21 days asking for a miracle. Their miracles had come in many forms. Many people might call them coincidence, others would say good fortune or blessings, but to these people they were miracles. I decided that was what it would take for us to adopt and when we got home I started with day one of prayer. My request was simple.....help me figure out how to do this or let me know our family is complete how it is. Each day it was the same earnest request. On day 19, my lack of patience won, and I talked with Todd about sending in our application. No matter his response, this would be my last time asking. I had the faith and the miracle came. Being the breadwinner, for him it came down to finances. Once that was resolved he agreed....and the miracles continued.

The next roadblock was the time frame. Adoptions of infants from China were taking 3 1/2-4 years. We aren't spring chickens, and it felt like we were back to square one. It was a long few days, feeling it was right, but not understanding how it was going to happen. I spoke with a lady in our area who had adopted two children from China and she told me of the waiting list for older and special needs children. It didn't take long for the changes of heart to begin. It simply made sense with us and Sara being older, why not look at older children. And the rollercoaster ride began.

As I look back over my life it is easy now to point out moments that prepared me for this challenge. I've learned from others examples over the years and didn't even know it. Friends, neighbors, and church members who have done foster care and adoptions were teaching me to reach out to others and showing me how it blessed their lives. Working with so many children in daycares and schools has taught me all children are loveable no matter where they come from.

During our homestudy we needed to figure out what type of child we felt would match with our family. It's not a fun process. You feel cold hearted. You feel uncomfortable. But you must be honest. What works with the dynamics of a family that already has four children? What medical conditions are we prepared to accept emotionally and financially? You learn things about yourself , your children, and your spouse I don't think you could learn any other way. With this information in hand, our agent then searched a reference list of children up for adoption in China, looking for a match. They would send files and we would look at them, discuss them, wonder about them, and have heartstrings pulled every time. It was never right. After a couple of months they called to let us know they'd locked on a girl. "Locking" on a file was serious. It meant this child matches well and you really need to think long and hard for 48 hours. I opened Sadie's file and saw this sweet, healthy, happy six year old smiling back at me. I called Todd at work as I forwarded the file to him. He'd talked about a certain "it" that he felt was important when looking at these children's photos. The thing you feel inside that tells you inspite of their life circumstances they were happy and meeting lifes challenges with a strong will. The photo came up on his screen and he simply said "She's got it." I knew I was looking at my daughter. We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we felt relief after months of wondering, we felt nervous for what was ahead, but we knew it was right.

Why were we doing this?

* I knew we would over six years ago.

* Our family did not feel complete.

* Our family is blessed with having needs met and an abudance.
* We have an extended family who loves and supports us.
* We love children and feel they are lifes greatest blessing.
* We live in a great neighborhood in a wonderful country that has amazing opportunities.
* We found Sadie.